


When It's Dark

by icandrawamoth



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Polyamory, Polyshipping Day, Redeemed Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 18:12:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12238050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: Sometimes Ben will wake in the middle of the night, and his past will hit him all at once. He'll carefully extricate himself from the warm, full bed and wander the halls of the Crait Resistance base in a vain hope that the exertion will drive the dark memories from his head.





	When It's Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Polyshipinng Day, for the optional prompt "when it's dark" (lazy title, I know).

Sometimes Ben will wake in the middle of the night, and his past will hit him all at once. He'll carefully extricate himself from the warm, full bed and wander the halls of the Crait Resistance base in a vain hope that the exertion will drive the dark memories from his head. His father's face will flash before his eyes. He'll remember his mother's grief, felt through the Force and ignored. He'll think of how he never got to apologize to her, a wound that will never fully heal. He'll shudder at the memory of a black and silver mask and the things he did while wearing it. Torturing Rey and Poe and trying to kill Finn. Ben will know that he doesn't deserve their forgiveness, doesn't deserve what they are to him now. Doesn't deserve their love and to love them so desperately in return.

Back in their room, Rey or Finn or Poe will roll over and, used to four bodies in the bed, their arm hitting the empty, cold space will wake them. It will take them but a moment to realize what's happened again, and they'll quickly wake the others, concerned frowns passing between them as they wordlessly pull on robes and shoes and pad from the room. They'll know what to do.

They find Ben in different places each time. Sometimes in the commissary trying to distract himself with a snack he won't actually eat. Sometimes outside gazing blankly up at the stars. Sometimes in the hanger, wandering among the ships. He always looks the same, though: black hair messy from the way he runs his hands through it when he's upset, eyes dark and distant, sleep clothes rumpled.

He'll start when he sees them approaching, though part of him knows they'll always come for him, even if he sometimes thinks they shouldn't.

Rey will hug him first, giving him a gentle, concerned smile and reaching out in the Force in the way that first started to draw him back to the light what seems like so long ago and yet not. Poe will be next, kissing him lightly as one hand threads into his hair, like he always has, even before Ben left to become someone else. Poe has never changed. Finn will come last, still the shyest, the most tenuous connection. He's always so kind and warm, though, his hand taking Ben's, broad and grounding. Ben squeezes, his eyes sliding closed, in silent thanks.

“Come back to bed,” Rey murmurs tonight, and he nods. He's so tired. She takes his other hand, and Poe is just a half-step behind them as they lead him back to bed, drawing him down with them, into gentle kisses and soft caresses, reassuring him of his place among them.

So often Ben doesn't feel his redemption was earned, doesn't feel like he belongs here – but when they're beside him, surrounding him, they do such a good job of making him believe.


End file.
